The Rams’ next head coach will be 30-year-old Sean McVay. It’s an interesting move. He might be brilliant, but I’m surprised they hired a guy that young, who barely anyone outside the D.C. area knew earlier than two weeks ago, for a position many felt would be filled by a more famous coach to keep Los Angeles fans interested.

The 49ers still have several options, but the only ones that seem concrete at the moment are Josh McDaniels, Kyle Shanahan, Anthony Lynn and Tom Cable. They could hire Lynn today if they wanted to, but it seems likelier that they’d go after one of the candidates who’s still in the playoff hunt and therefore can’t agree to a new position for at least a few more days. Plus, the Chargers seem to really like Lynn.

Fans are filled with optimism, because they’re fanatics and it seems likely that any option would provide a better viewing experience than what we saw throughout 2016. Just ignore the fact that most of us felt the same way after Jed York apologized for a losing season during his we-just-fired-Jimmy-T press conference last year.

As usual, I’m a dissenter when it comes to the prospect of brighter days ahead for the Niners. And it’s not because I’m a jerk or a hater. OK, I’m probably both of those things. But in this case it’s because the job isn’t as great as some — like Jed York and Paraag Marathe, otherwise known around here as Jedraag™ — want you to believe, as this once-proud franchise has fallen off in all areas since losing Super Bowl 47.

Here’s a sampling of what a new coach would face:

  • The 49ers were the only team in the NFL not to receive a single All-Pro VOTE in 2016.
  • The only quarterback under contract for 2017 (unless/until he opts out or the 49ers release him) is Colin Kaepernick.
  • Two straight one-and-done coaches after a messy divorce with one of the top coaches in the sport.
  • Leaks galore.
  • Really, really mean local media — especially that one independent weaselly blogger douche who won’t stop making up new words to belittle the team.

There are only a few reasons why a coach would willingly come to Santa Clara.

1. No other options

That’s why I keep tweeting stuff like this that drives Niners fans completely insane.

But the no-other-options thing is why Cable should not be discounted. Oh, and this:

2. Coach really clicks with Jedraag

If that’s the case, check to see if they have a pulse. Or human blood. Because anyone who takes the job for this reason is either an alien, or proof that our worst nightmare about artificial intelligence (i.e. robots will eventually take over) is already coming true.

3. Coach sees vulnerabilities, seeks extra power

Hell, if Mike Nolan — a guy with no head coaching or personnel experience — could convince York to give him full reign over the roster, why couldn’t a guy like McDaniels? Especially at a time like this, with Jedraag apparently hoping to set up a GM and coach like an arranged football marriage, there’s an opportunity for an enterprising egomaniac to charm his way into a lot of personnel power in Santa Clara.

4. Coach gets overpaid by desperate Yorks

This seems like the least likely scenario. Remember …

  • Harbaugh reportedly took less money ($5 million per season) to sign with the 49ers than he could’ve gotten from Miami ($7-$8 million per) — partly because his wife wanted to stay local, but perhaps for other reasons too (like the 49ers’ up-and-coming roster).
  • When Harbaugh wanted to be paid like a Super Bowl-winning head coach, suddenly problems started arising.
  • Harbaugh was replaced by Jim Tomsula, whose salary ranked at or near the bottom among head coaches at the time.
  • Tomsula was replaced by Chip Kelly, whose salary was offset by what the Eagles owed him for 2016 and 2017.

Do you really see the 49ers going above and beyond for a head coach, considering the Yorks’ history and the fact that they already have two other head coaches on the books?

So fans are once again left to root for dumb luck.

Maybe, just maybe, even if Jedraag end up with a coach who takes the job because it was their only chance at roster control, an enormous raise, or a head coaching position of any kind in the NFL, they’ll succeed. The coach will mesh with the new GM, they’ll hit a few homers in the draft and free agency, and the rebuilding process will last only two or three years, rather than seven or eight.


A couple final things before I call it a day.

1. A request for local scribes, radio stations and TV networks: No more Nolan interviews, please. I don’t care what he has to say about the 49ers. I don’t trust him. Instead of grooming Alex Smith, he did the exact opposite. He was unimpressive as a coach and it seems like he’s trying to convince the 49ers to give him another shot. Just let him do his satellite radio show and we’ll be just fine over here, thank you.

2. This “arranged marriage” idea seems strange in theory, even stranger in practice. From Mike Silver, via Chris Biderman:

“Sean McVay was so impressive in that (49ers) interview that he was told, ‘We’ve got a couple of GM candidates in Green Bay that we interviewed in Eliot Wolf and Brian Gutekunst. We are serious about them. You don’t know them, here are their phone numbers, go ahead and reach out and see what connection you can form with them because we’re considering you that seriously.’ So obviously this is someone who was being considered at a high level by both of those California teams.”

How awkward is that? And how did Wolf and/or Gutekunst feel when they got their calls from McVay, if McVay actually called? (Maybe McVay was weirded out by Jedraag and hightailed it to the Rams after they interviewed him.) Was McVay supposed to report back to Jedraag with what he felt about his calls? Were Wolf and Gutekunst expecting to get called, and were they then supposed to report back to Jedraag? Nothing seems right about this. Nothing at all.

And that’s why I wouldn’t bet against them ending up with Cable, a disciplinarian version of Jimmy T with more head coaching experience, whose absence will gut the evil Seahawks (in Jedraag’s mind). If they end up with Kyle Shanahan, I’ll congratulate them. But I don’t see how what the 49ers have done over the past few years could possibly reward them in any way over the coming days/weeks/whenever they make these hires.

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